People in love make me want to vomit
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
