we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
