I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
