You made me cry and you don't even care
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
