Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
