the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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