Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
