Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
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I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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