I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
