took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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