So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
