All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
