just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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