he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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