i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
