i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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