Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
