I'm really into asian looking animals
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cut my penus on the lid.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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