She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
