When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
