why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
