I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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