And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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