Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just cropdusted the office
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
