I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
