Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
