It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
