Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
