I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So squirting runs in the family.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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