party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
