this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
