At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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