high people should be assigned attendants
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
