i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
