sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
