I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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