I think I won the penis lottery.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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