I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
