Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
