Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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