Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
