Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
