Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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