My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
