so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
