We're facebook friends in real life
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
