how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize