There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
