Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
