So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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