eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
