Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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