god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
