I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
