The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
