please come you make the beer taste better
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
