Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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