i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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