I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
