No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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