I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
