Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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