Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
