I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
