When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
handjob tips. give me some.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
