This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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