I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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