i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
