I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
