uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
