New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
